WOW! I've been slackin! Well I guess I have been really busy lately so I guess that's okay.
There's nothing really going on in my life right now other than working my official job and picking up some side jobs along the way. Right now I am looking into a second job and will hopefully be starting that by next week. I could really use the extra income for about a month or two just to catch up on things! After that I will probably just go back to one job and continue just living month to month until school starts, because honestly who wants to work all the time?!
Anyways, I have been a little exhausted mentally more than anything lately. I guess all the stress and work has been getting to me because the last few days have been hard.
Every once in awhile I just have a couple of days or a week where I just get really depressed I guess you would call it. Not in the way where I'm like "I want to kill myself", but just in a more reflective way. I look at my life and see that I am not where I want to be and start to wonder if I am doing something wrong... I worry about who I am becoming and what I'm doing and the think about way I choose to live my life. Sometimes I don't like what I see... Which bothers me, but I am really trying to do the best I can with what I got. You could say I haven't had the best of luck in life and have lost quiet a few things along the way...
Honestly, the thing that frustrates me the most is how much is beyond my control. I didn't choose to be born into my circumstances and I sure as hell didn't make the stupid decisions that my parents did that affected my life significantly... If I have gained anything from all of this is I have finally come to understand just how important the simplest aspect of our lives can be in our personal life's... Most people would say that I couldn't hope to achieve what I want to do. That poverty success stories are a 1 in a million occurrence, but I just ignore them and keep trying anyways.
Am I determined, or am I just foolish? Sometimes I wonder...
I wish there was a way that I could explain what I go through everyday of my life. The things that run through my head; maybe it would have been better if I never became aware of what was going on inside my head. Perhaps I think to much about things when I really should just run on autopilot like so many others.
I guess the saddest thing to me right now is that I'm facing all of this alone. Other people get so wrapped up in their own life's, but I understand. That is just the way life is and I respect that. I don't expect anything from people. Instead I just understand that other people have problems too and I do what I can to help others out. Some how that makes me feel better... Knowing that at least I can help other people have a better life.
Somethings got to change though; people are so disconnected now days its almost tragic. People don't make deep connections like they use to anymore. Hell, I don't even have many connections. As much as I try.
Anyways, deep thoughts, not sure if people actually read my blog, but if you do just think about what I have said and go out there and make some strong connections, because in the end what is anything worth without other people to share your life with.
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