Friday, October 25, 2013

Keep movin' on

Only two new posts so far?!

WOW! I've been slackin! Well I guess I have been really busy lately so I guess that's okay.

There's nothing really going on in my life right now other than working my official job and picking up some side jobs along the way. Right now I am looking into a second job and will hopefully be starting that by next week. I could really use the extra income for about a month or two just to catch up on things! After that I will probably just go back to one job and continue just living month to month until school starts, because honestly who wants to work all the time?!

Anyways, I have been a little exhausted mentally more than anything lately. I guess all the stress and work has been getting to me because the last few days have been hard.

Every once in awhile I just have a couple of days or a week where I just get really depressed I guess you would call it. Not in the way where I'm like "I want to kill myself", but just in a more reflective way. I look at my life and see that I am not where I want to be and start to wonder if I am doing something wrong... I worry about who I am becoming and what I'm doing and the think about way I choose to live my life. Sometimes I don't like what I see... Which bothers me, but I am really trying to do the best I can with what I got. You could say I haven't had the best of luck in life and have lost quiet a few things along the way...

Honestly, the thing that frustrates me the most is how much is beyond my control. I didn't choose to be born into my circumstances and I sure as hell didn't make the stupid decisions that my parents did that affected my life significantly... If I have gained anything from all of this is I have finally come to understand just how important the simplest aspect of our lives can be in our personal life's... Most people would say that I couldn't hope to achieve what I want to do. That poverty success stories are a 1 in a million occurrence, but I just ignore them and keep trying anyways.

Am I determined, or am I just foolish? Sometimes I wonder...

I wish there was a way that I could explain what I go through everyday of my life. The things that run through my head; maybe it would have been better if I never became aware of what was going on inside my head. Perhaps I think to much about things when I really should just run on autopilot like so many others.

I guess the saddest thing to me right now is that I'm facing all of this alone. Other people get so wrapped up in their own life's, but I understand. That is just the way life is and I respect that. I don't expect anything from people. Instead I just understand that other people have problems too and I do what I can to help others out. Some how that makes me feel better... Knowing that at least I can help other people have a better life.

Somethings got to change though; people are so disconnected now days its almost tragic. People don't make deep connections like they use to anymore. Hell, I don't even have many connections. As much as I try.

Anyways, deep thoughts, not sure if people actually read my blog, but if you do just think about what I have said and go out there and make some strong connections, because in the end what is anything worth without other people to share your life with.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

My New room and other things

 Alright people, Imma introduce you to my room! I'm going to start from the right when you walk in and basically move ya'll in a circle! So here is my closet and my little workout area and a bit of my bed.

Here is a more direct picture of my bed where you can see my sick oldies styled poster with some famous people including Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Humphrey Bogart, and the bartender whom I have no idea who he is. If you guys know just say something cause I have no clue.
Alright, so to the left side of my bed is my bookshelf with my stunning collection of books on the shelf and my 64 games on top. Oh and don't forget the minecraft poster hanging on the wall. I know, I am a nerd and a geek at the same time : P
(OH, I also get to have a fan in my window; which is significant to me so shut up)

Last but not least the left of my room when you walk in the door. I have a dresser that I fixed up (re-did the handles and re-painted it) and I got my desk which is pretty much falling apart so I have to get a new one. For now it is being very useful holding books and random notes of mine that I have no idea what to do with at the moment. 

So that is pretty much what my room is like right now. I still need to get a few things for it though like a desk chair and a TV to put on my dresser which is directly in front of my bed. That way I can hook up my 64 and what ever other system I have, and do some serious monster slaying or princess saving adventures.

Anyways, so my new roommate moved in the other day, she is going to stay in the room next door. I know some people would be thinking to themselves right now "How dare you be living with people of the opposite gender, blah blah blah." However, I guess most people I know now days wouldn't be so taken aback by that. In any case there are just three things I have to say about that; I am not sexist, it doesn't bother me, and we are all responsible and mature adults so really there is nothing to worry about.

Small tangent, self control and making choices still exists. Some people and religions make it seem like temptation or peer pressure override all sense, logic, and reasoning, but that is not true. Take responsibility for yourself, and don't let anyone, not even religion, rob you of who you are, end of tangent.

Can't really think of anything else to share today so here is a funny picture I found!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Back to the writing board

It seems that I have dropped off the grid for about a year now.

It seems so long ago since I wrote down thoughts, but I guess we all have to start again sometime right? I remember when it seemed all I could do was write; however, lately I have been doing a lot more acting then really thinking. Sounds dangerous, I know. A lot has changed since the last time I wrote. I have changed a lot since I last wrote.

This last year has been quiet the struggle I will admit. Since the end of last summer till now has been a series of triumphs and misfortunes all in a desperate struggle to break away from an old life that was crumbling beneath me in order to save myself and start a new life on the other side of the wreckage. I feel now that the worst is behind me and I feel safe in beginning to write as my life begins to stabilize itself beneath me. Why is this important? Well because honestly it is very pointless to write down unstable thoughts in unstable times. An idea could easily change course and become something else entirely. However, maybe writing would have accelerated some of my thoughts had I sat down and wrote them. Honestly though I couldn't seem to write at all. I tried, but I couldn't put my thoughts together.

A lot has happened since then, but perhaps that is a story for another time.

For now let’s just catch up to current events!

Since my back injury earlier this summer I have lost my job at the plumbing company and haven’t been able to do as much as I have use to do. After a couple weeks of chiropractic visits and several months of therapy I have regained most of my mobility in my lower back. However, I couldn't walk the first few days which was pretty scary and I had some severe back pains a couple of weeks out. The chiropractor said that my back had been twisted out of alignment causing my back muscles to contract on themselves to protect the spine. I guess little did they know that they were hurting me, but hey, at least my spine was safe haha. I am pretty much straightened out, and still doing a lot of back exercises to work out the last little bit, but I am doing a lot better. I still can’t touch my toes which really bugs me haha.

Luckily workers compensation took care of me while I was down; unfortunately though I will not be able to return to my old job. Though I am doing much better my back still gets tired quickly, and if I am not careful I sometimes tweak it just enough to cause it to hurt again for a day. I hope that is nothing to worry about, but it is happening less frequent and for shorter periods of time as I continue to get stronger.

In the mean time I have found a new job that I can actually do and have been able to continue making rent! That’s right I have moved out of my parents place for good and am now living in a house with a couple of friends of mine. It’s pretty great so far! Rent is surprisingly cheap and a house no less! No wall to wall neighbors and no annoying landlords. It’s in a nice neighborhood right in the middle of the city next to all the main attractions and far enough from my parents that they don’t bother me all the time. Though I can’t say as much for their end as I go over and visit them and my brothers all the time. However, not as much anymore as I use to, I guess I just don’t have anything left over there that I need to move over here!

Anyways, life is starting to look up and I am glad. This last year was a nightmare and I almost thought I wouldn't make it here, but like always I came out on top. So now that I have finally dug myself out of the poor class and moved my way into the middle class I think I will enjoy this lifestyle for a little bit and take it all in before looking towards more ambitious goals. Hey, I made it this far, why stop now?